Great computer joke

Here’s a great computer joke I came across:

Back in the 70s, disk drives were about the size of washing machines. One type had two disk platters: one was embedded and could not be removed except by a technician, and the other was in a large plastic shell and was easily removable. Each platter held five megabytes. Yes, that’s right: five whole megabytes, an insignificant amount of space now but humongous then.

Many used this dual platter drive to keep their operating system and database on the embedded one, and at the end of the day they’d copy it to the removable one. Then they would open the disk drive, take out the removable disk, store it in a safe, insert a new removable disk, and close the drive. Then they’d be ready for business the next day.

We got a call one morning from a customer when I used to work for an Orange County computer support firm. He couldn’t boot. One of the techs went over to have a look and found that the embedded disk had a bad sector. It would need to be replaced.

• Technician: “The embedded disk is bad. Are you backed up?”
• Customer: “Yes!”

So the technician replaced the disk, snapped the old one in half so it would fit in the garbage can, and threw it away.

• Technician: “I’m done — she’s all yours.”
• Customer: (after playing with the system a bit) “I can’t find any of my data.”
• Technician: “Right — you’ll have to restore it.”
• Customer: “What does ‘restore’ mean?”
• Technician: “Uh, it means you have to RESTORE it from a copy.”
• Customer: “Copy? What copy?”
• Technician: “The one you make every night.”
• Customer: “WE DON’T HAVE A COPY!!!”
• Technician: “When I asked you if you were backed up, you said YES!”

Customer: “We ARE backed up! We’re SO backed up that we haven’t had time to make any recovery disks!”

Some Friday Fun – The Photographer

Two photographers were chatting at the camera club…

First Photographer: Never seen you here, have you been a member for long?

Second Photographer: I’ve only just joined, I used to be into live event video streaming, but decided to give photography a shot. Have you taken any good photos recently?

First Photographer: I saw a terrible sight the other day, a beggar was sitting on the steps of a church, wasted with hunger and his clothes all ragged and torn. He was holding out his hands, pleading for a few coins.

Second Photographer: What did you give him?

First Photographer: f8 at 1/125th of a second.

Pun for everyone

The other day I was eating in an Italian restaurant when I accidentally spilled some spaghetti sauce on my favorite white sweater (good thing I wasn’t wearing one of my NFL Jerseys).

I wasn’t too distressed, though, because Mr. Wong down on High Street has been doing my laundry for years, and I knew that he could remove just about any stain and get it out like it’d never been there.

So I took the sweater down to Wong’s Laundry and dropped it off; Mr. Wong said he’d probably be able to have it cleaned by Thursday. So on Thursday afternoon after work I stopped by Wong’s again.

Mr. Wong looked quite distressed when he saw me. He brought out the sweater and, apologizing profusely, explained that somehow this stain was beyond even his power to expunge.

And sure enough, though fainter than before, there was still a distinct red stain on the sweater. In an attempt to make up for his failure, Mr. Wong offered to send the sweater to his brother across town, who had been in the laundry business for an even longer time, and who might have a clue as to the method of removal of this extraordinarily persistent stain.

The elder Wong brother would rush it through at no extra charge, and should have it looking as white and clean as new by Friday. So on Friday I went back to Wong’s to pick up my sweater, but when I arrived, Mr. Wong regretfully informed me that his brother, too, had failed to remove the red blotch. “No charge,” said Wong, “but you must take sweater elsewhere to clean.

The Moral: … Two Wongs cannot make a white.”

Real Estate Joke

What is an appraiser?

An appraiser is one who compiles and analyzes voluminous data of problematical accuracy from sources of dubious veracity and derives therefrom a numerical quantification of unquestionable necessity, analogous to a nebulous and euphemistic concept representational of value commensurate with ambient configurations of the open market and promulgates thereby a precise written declamation which delineates his observation, deliberations and conclusions all done while he feigns absolute ignorance of the avaricious machinations of Buyers, Sellers, Brokers and Lenders, compensated only by that penurious stipend known as the professional fee.

Top 10 Reason to Become An Appraiser

10. Dazzle your friends with your knowledge of external obsolescence.
9. The wonderful world of rats, bats, and spiders.
8. Be a part of the profession blamed for the collapse of the savings and loan industry.
7. See places in people’s houses that usually require a search warrant to access (even if they’re Outer Banks rentals).
6. Arouse the suspicion of an entire neighborhood when inspecting comparable sales.
5. Chance to really irritate annoying real estate salespeople.
4. Walk around holding a clipboard just like “Skip” down at the Jiffy Lube.
3. Spend hours writing volumes of supporting documentation to justify the market value of a property you already decided on when you pulled into the driveway.
2. See that some people really do hang those black velveteen pictures of Elvis on their living room walls and who forks out for business satellite internet.
1. Be one of a handful of people who know that USPAP is not a medical term.